I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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