I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
