The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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