We're like a lot better than the average bears
I need help removing her.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
