If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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