Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
