there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
