My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We're not piercing ourselves today.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
