I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
