Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
