break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
