Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
