Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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