He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
