I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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