i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
