So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
