dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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