Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
