She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
