He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
