On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
