I didn't shave. On purpose
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
