Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
