you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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