I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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