Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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