i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
