dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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