I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she pinky promised me she was 18
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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