I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
