for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you win again, gameday.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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