Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
