You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
