Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize