I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
