okay pat passed out under dana's car
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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