Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
