she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
