i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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