I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
