Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
