my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
