first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
