my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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