one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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