Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
