we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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