fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
