I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
